How Are You Feeling?

I am an overthinker.
Overthinking is one of the most vicious demons, because it is my own brain bombarding me with things I can’t change, or things that have not yet come to pass. Just noise that isn’t conducive with anything I am trying to accomplish, and majority of the time the noise revolves around negative thoughts about myself. I don’t like to think of it as being selfish, as if all I think about is myself, because it’s not even an enjoyable feeling. The self-loathing only perpetuates the low self-esteem, and causes me to drown in all the worst things I could possibly conjure up about myself.

I am healthy enough NOW to recognize that I am feeling sorry for myself though, and which self limiting beliefs it stems from.
That much I know. So the question being then, how do I fix this?

“How Are You Feeling?”

This one sentence is an overthinker’s life saver, and one of THE EASIEST ways I have found to pull myself outside of the never-ending thought void.
When you ask someone else how they are doing, it forces you to listen to that person, and focus on something other than whatever is ruminating in your mind at that given point. (If you have a tendency to drift inward like I do it helps me tremendously).

I worked at a grocery store for most of 2019 in Massachusetts (I do not currently live there anymore), and when I was feeling pretty down in the dumps, I would ask customers this question while ringing up their items.
It helped keep me distracted long enough that I could catch a break from self sabotaging torture.

I learned through observation, and practicing this method that when I asked someone this, if there was a long pause before they answered, it was a safe guess that they weren’t having the best day ever. I consider myself to be fairly intuitive (one of few positive skills I will acknowledge having), and I am understanding of others. I have the strong capability to show empathy for others even if I have not personally experienced what they may be going through. This can be considered a skill at this point in life, because this characteristic is becoming even rarer.

I say all this to point out how even just genuinely listening to someone else is a form of empathy. To listen, make eye contact, and be attentive to what they have to say. For me, if I can extend a small piece of kindness to another person to where they feel understood, then I can feel better about myself.

So when all I can think about is everything wrong with me, having this chance to make someone else’s life a little brighter tells me, maybe I’m not the lousiest person on the planet after all. Maybe, just maybe, I have something to add to this world. Maybe.

“When we feel love and kindness toward others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace.”

~ Dalai Lama

I have found that through showing compassion, and understanding for others, I am able to feel more confident in myself, and about my place in life. I can see how I have the ability to bring positivity to the world, and the power to make a difference.

It has taken years to gather the strength to type this, and even more so to post it online for millions of other people to see, so I say this with a few tears in my eyes;

We are capable of incomprehensible feats. We can dream “the impossible”, and make it a reality. We will achieve our dreams, and if I am able to achieve my goal to build the career of my dreams as a writer, then I will never again doubt my abilities to achieve anything I truly want.

Let's talk about my current fabulous relationship!!

That is what really makes these posts creditable, because I came out on the other side of the crappy exes to find that one person I was almost certain didn’t even exist.

Friendly reminder: you will never be too much for someone who can’t get enough of you.

I have always been an empathetic person who went the extra mile for people who wouldn’t even give me half the amount of effort I was willing to put in. This is no longer the case though! My partner consistently proves in not only his words, but his actions that he makes my happiness a top priority. As well as how he truly appreciates, and cherishes me for every thing I am.

I used to ask myself, “why is it that I have so much to offer, and am willing to give, but no one is willing to even meet me half way?” I realized at some point that it wasn’t just because of something wrong with me.

There are past relationships where I saw so much potential in a person to become something amazing, even more than they believed in themselves, and all I ever wanted was to help them become the best versions of who they are. Not change who they are, but I learned from my first serious relationship with a guy that you can’t make someone do or be something that they don’t want to.
It wasn’t that he didn’t want to grow, he just wasn’t willing to do what it took to grow with me. So that is ultimately why it didn’t work out. (Which ended up working out even more so in my favor, because he taught me a lot about how to be a better woman for another man, and one who is deserving of all my love and them some).
It’s like when you have an ex who turns around, and does for another woman the things you asked for, but he wasn’t willing to do for you? Those examples are one in the same.

With my current partner he knew right away that he was in love with me, and was willing to do what it took to be with me, and that is the type of energy that you should go for. With most men, experts have shown that if a man loves you, he knows from the beginning.

A piece of wisdom I came across said, “Don’t marry the man you love, marry the man who loves you. A woman can grow to love a man, but a man either
loves you or he doesn’t”.

Don’t waste time on guys who look at you as an option. I promise there is a line of people who are willing to give you the love you have been searching for, and very much so deserve. Those guys are holding up the line for other people if they aren’t trying to match this energy.

Now with all that negative stuff being said, I can confirm that they aren’t all like that, and someone will rise to the occasion. That there is someone who can and will appreciate, cherish, and worship every inch of you.
(PSA females: guys will worship the ground you walk on- people just don’t want you to know your true value and worth. Don’t settle. There is no reason for it.)

I have always either been too much, or not enough.
I have had a low self esteem, and self worth for years, and one of my favorite aspects about my current partner is how he is teaching me to love myself as much as he loves me. He helps me tackle my insecurities, and over time he has helped me get over some of those insecurities.
When someone truly loves you, they make you love yourself as well.
I feel like we have a successful relationship, because of our mutual respect for each other. When two people love each other, and are a team, any problem can be tackled. Only much easier than if one person were to be doing it alone.

A part of the traumatic experiences I had in my childhood had to do with my parent’s alcoholism, and violence. So needless to say, I grew up around a lot of screaming and fighting. My parent’s marriage wasn’t exactly a good basis for relationships to begin with.

Well thankfully I did not end up dating like my mother, because another wonderful quality that my partner has (yes, I could totally sit here and think of dozens of reasons why he is perfection in my eyes) is he does not yell at me. He doesn’t get loud with me at. All. For me to grow up the way I did around my parents in constant chaos, and then finding out there are men who don’t get loud and cuss you out?

This relationship has been something completely different than what I have ever experienced. He is all around the most thoughtful person I have ever met, and the most respectful man I have ever met.
He is about to turn 24 this month, and I am 26. However, he is more mature some males twice his age.
In PAST relationships I was made to feel as if I was too much, or required too much effort, and I believed them. Until now. Now things that were “too much” for other people don’t apply.

If they are one they will step up, and there won’t be a need to question their intentions. That is exactly what my partner did with me.

So to sum a post that or may not be all over the place, and hard to follow;
It was through many failed relationships that I found my way to my forever soulmate. I regret none of those relationships, because I learned so much from all of them, but he is the reason I have the courage to do this, and the reason I know all of this to be true.

Friendly reminder-

       "There is no great genius without a
        mixture of madness" 
             -Aristotle circa 384BCE

And Aristotle could not have predicted that people would still be quoting him over two thousand years after his death. Sometimes we will never know the true impact we make, but each of us creates our own wrinkle in time. You matter.

I have Borderline.

I will start with this small disclaimer: I do not currently have any college degrees. I do not have a fancy portfolio. What I do have is a wealth of knowledge of personal experience, and a whole lot of empathy for those who know the struggle is real.

I have been seeing therapists, psychiatrists, and taking medications since I was 13. Now at the age of 26, I have been to psychiatric facilities 7 times, and collectively have 100s of hours of different therapies, coping skills, and tools that I believe work for me (I have had a more than mild case with my BPD too)

I have the overwhelming sense that I need to tell others of the knowledge/wisdom I have gained over the years, because from my own situations I know just how BRUTALLY hard it is to live with BPD. A lot of this wisdom I learned the very hard way. It took a lot of soul searching, and humbling myself to look inward and accept my own mistakes(toxic behaviors),but after years of hard work I finally have found myself in a healthy relationship with the most caring, sweetest man I have ever met! Now that I know for a FACT it is possible, I want to scream it from the mountain tops.

I am strongly empathetic, and I believe being caring to one another is how we will make the world a better place. I want to offer some kind of platform for uplifting, positive content. While also being a hub of information from and for anyone who is need of guidance in relationships of any kind. LIFE IS HARD! I only want to add goodness to the world and be one less person spreading hatred. Why do I think this is vital information? It is;

  1. For the sake of personal peace of mind! My BPD can be like a raging storm! The more we can learn from others on here about triggers, and other emotional impulses, the easier it becomes to identify those things and— control those emotional impulse reactions.
  2. For the sake of your relationship! People with BPD- if we are being honest with ourselves, our tendency to have explosive outbursts (sometimes completely unjustifiable) could be enough to take a toll on anyone.

I hate sounding preachy, but I think there is no better person to speak on a subject than someone who knows things first hand. Things that can only be learned by experiencing them.

Through so many wrong turns, dead ends, bumps in the road, and detours, I am finally leading down a road of building a fulfilling life of value and love. Due to the plethora of mistakes I have made in the past, whenever I can pass along wisdom that could keep someone else from making the same mistake and it resonates with them, it adds so much purpose to my soul, and is such a gratifying feeling.

Why I Am So Glad You Are Here

  • Most lessons in life, I have learned the very hard way. It was only until recent when talking to a teenager about her relationship at that time, or talking with a cousin who also has BPD, that I realized there may actually be value in the things I know. I could possibly help others from my screw ups! Which is really the best I could hope for.
  • The website is currently geared towards mental illness, BPD and otherwise in relationships, but I hope to broaden the horizons of topics to whatever anyone wants to discuss!
  • I hope to reach everyone! I would like to convey positive messages of encouragement and unity in the hopes that it can reach as many like minded people as possible.
  • I admin for a group on Facebook called Our Gaia Experience where the basis of the page is spreading love, and light for every being. This is the kind of atmosphere I want to create for this page, which is inclusive to anyone searching for that kind of peace and ease.

When we change the “i” in illness to “we” it becomes wellness

As a society, we are better when we work together, and that is what I advocate for on this page.