What Inspires You to Be a Good person?

Every day I wake up with one basic goal in mind.

Be a good person. Why?

The evilness and negativity in life motivates me to be better, because I understand more than some just how cold the world can be.

Sometimes it feels as if there is more tragedy in the world than good, and I strive to be one less person to perpetuate the negative energy that I feel around me on a day-to-day basis whenever I am out in public.

It seems to swirl around people like small tornadoes, sucking joy away from anything that lies within the path of destruction.

For me, knowing the truth of how cruel people can be to one another is why I choose to be a kind person, because sometimes we live in a world where giving it a taste of it’s own medicine would seem almost delightful.

Every time you choose the right decision over the popular/majority vote, you are being the bravest of the good people, because going against the grain of society isn’t exactly welcomed with an open embrace, and it is not looked upon kindly.

Being a good person is even harder of a goal to accomplish when those around you aren’t doing what is right.

The company we keep will help shape who we are as individuals. It will dictate different aspects of life by affecting the choices we make, because the people we interact with daily, will become a part of our character and daily mannerisms. Choose wisely and pay attention to character flaws in others that agitate your soul. It is leading you to a better understanding of something about yourself. Quite possibly that you personally do whatever it is the other person is doing that’s bothersome.

For example, my daughter loves to argue with me. She enjoys going back and forth, with what feels to about anything, and everything I say, as if it’s meant to be an official debate.

 Needless to say; I get frustrated, but after a while I became able to acknowledge that I do the exact same thing with other people. When I realized that the very behavior she does that I find irritating, is something I do myself, it afforded me a moment of clarity and shed light on flaws in my own character, and personality. I only want to point out that by noticing what bothers me in her behavior, it allowed me to be more mindful about how I speak to others, when I argue senselessly, and when unnecessary banter can be avoided.

I aim to be a good person, because there’s enough bad people in the world already without me contributing to the madness.

Being a good person is to be a kind person, and that’s easier said than done in numerous situations. Likewise, it can be harder to practice kindness if you are surrounded by people who aren’t kind. They would possibly look at you as if you’re acting like a goody two shoes, when in actuality it is called common human decency, and respect for one another. These are unusual concepts to a person does not look at how their negative actions affect others. It is worth noting that people who have little regard for others tend to struggle more with their feelings of self-worth, although I can personally speak on the behavior of the latter person, because it is not within my nature to be careless of others.

How to Make Yourself Smile on The Bad Days

There are days that seem to flow by seamlessly and effortlessly. Days filled with blissful laughter and smiles.
Sunshine and rainbows.
Unicorns are dancing across the sky, and angels are floating in the clouds.
Then there are the bad days.
Dark days.
Emotionally more so than in a literal sense, but I would argue that many decisions we make, as human beings, in our lives stem from the foundations of each person’s mental well-being, and current state of mind.
Whatever the causes may be, from spilling a fresh cup of coffee to your dog dying, people go through bad days, simply put.
So, what is a person to do on a day when it feels especially hard to muster us a genuine smile, or the courage to interact with everyday society?
Alternative measures might be necessary to maintain a balance throughout everyday living, when even maintaining a positive outlook on life can seem daunting in these moments.
On the tough days, finding the right motivation to be productive can feel impossible. Finding ways to be happy during these times is like looking for a rainbow on the cloudiest days. Sunshine and rain are both required to create rainbows, and if a sky remains cloudy all day, there WON’T be any rainbows to be seen.

Based on my self-proclaimed status of being a Chronic pessimist, I might be more adept at dwelling on negative emotions than the average person (whatever that is). Like superbly good at ruminating on unpleasant thoughts.

I am going the ask anyone reading this, the same question now that I posed to my daughter while searching through pictures of flowers earlier.

What makes you smile when you feel sad?

Her response was real, and toy horses make her happy when she is feeling upset. (My daughter is an avid animal lover of all shapes and species).

What makes you smile?

For many, animals are an easy go-to fix for what feels a like breath of relief to the brain. In my opinion peace of mind feel like a huge sigh of relief all over my .

Happiness can feel like a dose of medicine that tastes good when you’re feeling ill enough to need the medicine.

Laughter is key for me. Laughter is medicine to the soul.

I enjoy laughing at the “non-funny” things, because I can think of a thousand reasons at any given time to brood over the wicked corruptness of humanity.

I no longer rely on anyone else’s opinion to tell me what is funny, how to enjoy what I like, or what I choose to find humor in. I can choose what I wish to laugh about. I have even watched stand-up comedy shows in moments of depression, because getting some hardy laughter in can feel healing, and comforting to a weary soul.

I laugh as much as possible. To counterbalance the crying and fits of rage.

I would like to think I am a relatively nice, easy-going person.

I guess, except when l am not. Moments of aggravation that may seem minor can feel like water boiling underneath my skin that might burst out in steam from my ears, but if I come to a realization of how something is only a minor inconvenience, and would not warrant causing a giant scene, I try to return to a place of calm thinking. Rational thinking.

For example, when I’m in the middle of a grocery store and am experiencing feelings of sensory overload, I have to remind myself to walk from a place of balance, and peace, because even though my body feels like jumping out of my own skin I must remain civilized in public (such a drag). Which is in everyone’s best interest, honestly.

In these moments I feel embarrassed as a grown woman who seemingly is a mad woman, and can’t keep all her marbles in her jar. I feel foolish for feeling so out of control in a public environment, and that really drives home the negative self talk along with pure self-hatred.

What helps me when I get this way?

Humility and humbleness, because I do feel humiliated when I act childish like that, but it returns me to a state of humbleness.

It reminds me that no one was meant to be better than everyone else and we’re all out here trying to survive in this world. Hopefully enjoying life, not just surviving, but life can really leave a person in the dumps.

It’s what we are all searching for. A life free from pain, suffering, and discomfort.

We all have the ability to do great things in our lives, regardless of any nonsense that suggests otherwise.

“Everybody is a genius, but if you judge a fish by it’s ability to climb trees, it will go its whole life believing it is stupid.”

-Albert Einstein

“.. And however difficult life may seem, there is always something you can do, and succeed at. It matters that you don’t just give up”.

-Stephen Hawking

Oprah’s stance on what makes a person great is a simple line that I tell myself often:

“Everyone has the power for greatness- not for fame but greatness, because greatness is determined by service.”

-Oprah Winfrey

Little quotes like these, from people who are recognized as some of the greatest minds to have ever lived, really create perspective for me that brings me peace of mind.

Einstein and Hawking are considered to be two of the most brilliant minds ever. In the entirety of life. Do they praise themselves in this manner? NO. Q

Instead they lived with an understanding in their heart that we all have the ability to be just as smart as them, and I find this to be a beautiful sentiment.

Why is Self-esteem So Important?

-CPA (Chronic pessimist approved)

Self-confidence can be a key component of excelling in almost any area in life.

When a person feels good about themselves, more opportunities present themselves to these people, because a person who can maintain a positive outlook, can see life through a broader scope of perception, and have a more accurate understanding of how the mechanics of reality operate. They have the power to look at life as filled with possibilities, instead of flooded with impossible obstacles to overcome.

When a person looks at themselves in a positive light, they seem to radiate that energy outward, creating an aura of beauty no matter the actual physical appearance, because what makes a person beautiful is a matter of opinion, and happiness looks good on everyone. I believe there is a person out there for each one of us who will love, and accept us as we are. For everyone. I’ve learned that no one should be made to feel ugly, because I know how painful of a feeling that is. We are all beautiful (males included).

One might argue that all struggles stem from inner demons and conflicts. That any issues in the world are mere projections of what we hate about ourselves. Such lovely sentiments, right?

I’m sure most can notice negative effects of having a low self-esteem, or poor view of oneself.

The thing is, for people who experience having BPD, low self-worth can be one of the most intense symptoms, because the illness distorts one’s perception of who they are down to even physical appearance.

I think most females go through a phase of insecurities at some point in their life where they question their beauty, almost as if it’s directly tied into puberty, at least, but I’ve been left with the understanding that even Victoria Secret models question their beauty.

Some people don’t experience these inner struggles as severely as others, but I think even people whom are considered the most beautiful question it, and one of the most self- sabotaging behaviors someone commits to themselves is questioning their worth, and value. I suffer with this greatly at times still, and I am blessed to have a partner who is understanding of this, and tries to offer reassurance in these moments of weaknesses for me.

With enough confidence, a person could charm vicious bees.

What happens when you lack this kind of self-confidence, though?

Life is slightly bleaker and dim looking; I’ll tell you that much. Whenever I’m at low points, I have a tendency of having a poor self-image, and look at myself in the ugliest of lights. I’m my own worst critic.

Low self-worth manifests as paranoia and fear of abandonment in my relationships. Constantly stressing over one’s worth is stressful and draining for every person involved. It’s especially hard on the partners of someone who has BPD, because trying to reassure someone that they are loved all the time can feel like a battle, and they just want the person they love to feel better. When it goes beyond what they can do to offer reassurance, it can feel like a moment of wanting to throw someone’s hands up and scream.

This then brings forth feelings of shame for a person with BPD when their actions (which can quite literally feel out their control) is causing suffering to the people who love them most.

Low self-esteem manifests itself negatively in many areas and aspects of a person’s livelihood.

From a person’s daily routine and schedules, to their personal habits, hobbies, and interpersonal relationships. This also including friends, family, and professional colleagues.

When a person feels down on themselves, it shows in their overall demeanor. They slouch more and smile less. I know when I feel upset, I might as well have a raincloud floating above my head, because it definitely shows when I am upset.

This causes stress on my relationship and I can’t stand it.

It makes me feel like root cause to a lot of my own self-inflicted moments of anger, and a lot of unnecessary arguments, and that solidifies the feeling guilt, and shame. They feel like vicious cycles.

BUT

When I am NOT feeling that way:

When I feel my best. I look my best, and when I look and feel my best?

Magic happens. The Goddess inside me is ignited, and the fury of 1000 tsunamis cannot cause me to fall.

Life will consume you with overwhelming madness if we allow it, and unfortunately, we live in a world that profits more from our hatred and pain than happiness (or so they think). There are people who make a living banking on us hating ourselves, an it’s not the poor. It’s the extremely wealthy that profit most.

BUT when we reclaim our power within? We won’t depend on outward validation as much, which

#Goals.

When I am accepting of who I am fully, is when I feel most inspired to strive towards my goals.

“Doubt is a thief that often
makes us fear to tread where we
might have won.”

-William Shakespeare

Changes of The Season

“We must be the change we wish to see in the world.”

Mahatma Gandhi

Through each passing wave of resistance, trials of tribulation will arise. Within each tsunami, lies a seed of clarity though. A moment of stepping in to beingness.

 As voyagers of fierce storms: I am speaking to only a select few whom will dare become brave enough to dream bigger than anyone believes possible. I insist that these people will indeed, be the ones to hold the key to the universe, because the beautiful truth about knowledge falls in between the unknown, and the bridge of curiosity that urges us to understand more.

Boiling at the peak of these disaster zones, is where priceless wisdom can be brought into understanding at its highest level.

In a lot of scenarios, first-hand experience trumps all other forms of learning a subject.

Boiling points tend to do one of couple things to a human being.

This could be a life altering event in one person’s experience, or seed of an idea in a memory so mundane and subtle, that it forever changes the fabric of humanity. Depending on how far you wish to delve into metacognitive thinking, or exercising brain muscles that created quantum physics, because Science developed an entirely different branch for areas of life conventional science cannot understand, and makes even the most brilliant of minds scratch their heads.

“The only source of knowledge is experience.”

-Albert Einstein

Dream bigger.

These are very auspicious times we are headed towards. There is change in the air.

Good, bad, or indifferent. Plans have been placed into motion on levels that aren’t quite comfortable to think about for prolonged periods of time.

Those whom are held steadfast in their beliefs of all religious sects are being asked to arise in their purest faith, and are being called to arms against a malicious force that cannot be fully understood yet. One must possess the upmost respect of necessity for both the darkness that threatens to engulf the driving life essence that is Us, and the Source itself. To understand the adversary we are facing, we must train the brain to think in ways that don’t come naturally or conventionally.

Be Brave

Strength isn’t the absence of fear or failure. Rather the ability to move past one’s ultimate fears without allowing feelings of defeat to overshadow what their soul’s purpose is.

Bravery means that even when the odds are astronomically against you, you show up at the front lines ready to battle. Brave people aren’t those who fear nothing at all. A certain amount of fear is natural, and detrimental in life.

Living with the absence of fear is to live recklessly and carelessly, and the list of repercussions is significantly longer when moving through society with such impulsive, reactive behavior.   

Strength and bravery do not mean lack of fear, struggles, or hardship. The catch 20 is growth is rarely achieved without pressure. Bravery isn’t handed to those with paths less traveled, and many times, the roads that lead to growth aren’t roads or even pathways at all yet.

We evolved in to having the flight or fight response for a reason, and it has been a means to protect humanity from extinction.

Blazing new paths is essential for the continuity of mankind, but let’s pray for the trailblazers who must establish the first foot trails. Change has never come without creating rifts. Not everyone is resistant to change, but even those who understand change is eminent, cringe from moderate amounts of change if slammed with it rapidly, and unexpectedly.

Now, as a being who is aware of this knowledge, I am left with unanswered questions. I know change is detrimental to the mission. I have some level of comprehension about this unstoppable law of nature, and how it will take place whether I am okay with it or not.

With those variables being accounted for, the valuable question that begs to be answered is this.. WHO will be the SOMEONE to create these catalysts in which growth may take place?

When looking throughout history, it appears there is a pattern among great minds. They aren’t typically popular, or accepted by the majority.

From the likes of Galileo Galilei, who’s considered to be the father of modern science, to Jesus Christ, son of the Christian God. Unfortunately, because change is such a nasty business and line of work, people have a tendency to not favor anyone that challenges their comfortable status quo.

Galileo Galilei is also referred to as the “martyr of science”.

Martyr-

A person who sacrifices something of great value and especially life itself for the sake of principle.

Jesus became a martyr in Christianity when he sacrificed himself for the sins of humanity and for what he believed to be the truth.

Galileo died in the name of his belief of Science, leading to the fundamental beginnings of Newtonian laws, and how we know Science to be today. When he was alive, the principles Galileo spoke of were entirely unheard of at the time. He was the first to challenge the ideology that is Earth the center of the Universe.

I am making this comparison to show the similarities in their bravery despite the fact, the people I am comparing fought for two different sides of the puzzle.

Any time you face a fear, get outside of your comfort zone, or fight to be yourself in a world full of conformists, you are being brave. Anyone can be brave. Anyone can be a genius, and everyone has the ability to build the life they truly desire. Co-signing to societies’ ideology of a successful life is no longer applicable. Throw it out the window.

Bravery is going against the grain.

Bravery is choosing principles, and integrity over popularity, and acceptance.

Should you choose to embrace this role and step into your truest form, live with understanding that you are now responsible for sharing this bravery with the collective. Be brave enough to stand alone if the situation calls for it, but also remember you aren’t truly alone.

Being Humble & Staying Humble

“A mistake that makes you humble is better than an achievement that makes you arrogant.”
-Unknown

Life humbles us all. There will come a time in all our lives when we are going to need help from someone.

Sincerely, flat-out need help. Perhaps that means needing help with literally fixing a flat on the side of the road, or directions from being lost.

At worse points it means needing to borrow money for bills, and finding somewhere to sleep. We all need help at times.

Help when possible, because I am willing to gamble that life is going to knock everyone face down in the dirt at some point.

The cruelty of humanity is 100% inclusive, and affects people from all ages, all areas around the world, and all tax brackets in life.

Life can swiftly, and painfully knock a person 100 notches down on the ladder, and with no remorse.

We can’t do it ALL by ourselves (trust me, you can’t).

No one is exempt from this truth of life, and when that day comes along, it might be you dependent on the kindness of others. Be mindful of the words said out loud, and your treatment of others when you are on the upsides of life.

The way you treat other people should not be based after the circumstances in which you are in.

It is easy to look at someone else’s struggles, and judge another’s life from outside the glasshouse without personally knowing what it means to be living that way, but tables can be turned. Gilded empires have fallen just as slums and ghettos have, many times over.

“There are two ways to look at life. One is as though nothing is a miracle; the other is as though everything is.” 

-Albert Einstein

“A great man is always willing to be little.”

― Ralph Waldo Emerson

I pride myself in keeping a well-rounded perspective on life.

I have seen both side of the proverbial train tracks.

I grew up comfortable middle class. I did not have the struggles of knowing how I was going to eat, or things of that nature as a child, and I was also somewhat spoiled by comparison to other people my age.

I don’t say this to brag though, because I knew a lot of people who did not grow up in the same circumstances.

I had friends whose parents had a permissive parenting style.

That is my eloquent way of saying their parents essentially didn’t care enough to raise them, or even provide the bare minimum necessities.

I am an intensely empathic person and was then as well. I couldn’t help but to hurt for my friends, and the people I cared about, because to no fault of their own, they were dealt an extraordinarily crappy hand, for a lack of a better term right now.

We all go through rough patches, and hard times, but it is in these times of hardship that gratitude is simpler to apply, because when all hope feels obsolete, and as if there’s nothing of value left to your life, is when even the smallest moments can feel like miracles.

The worth of a human being should not be based on their net worth, or the material items they possess. If money purely dictated how we gauged the worth of a person, Jeffrey Epstein would be considered a saint, and I’m sure to an extent most people can admit that is not the case, and vice versa.

A person should not be considered lesser than, because they don’t live in a high tax bracket, or can’t afford finer luxuries in life. Should the amount of material possessions REALLY determine a being’s worth?

What if there was a person, who’s genuinely kind, and compassionate towards others, but is poor and owns little to nothing in worldly possessions? Would they still be considered inferior to people, who have a thousands times more money, but are corrupt individuals?

Money does not equate to value, and worth.

I say in 2021, we drop these ideologies that what we own means we are worth more, because it only feeds our feelings of not being good enough, and the feelings of worthlessness. We all have purpose, and a way to make the world better.

We hold a valuable space in the universe, and I promise it has nothing to do with what you are wearing, how many cars you own, or yachts and diamonds.

This year, I say we pull out our eyes of sympathy, and compassion. No more division. No more separation of classes felt in the heart, and soul. We are all human, one in the same. Never meant to be compared, but all the same at the core.

We are all different. There is no such thing as a standard or run-of-the-mill human being, but we share the same human spirit.

-Stephen Hawking

Do you make this self-sabotaging mistake?

Stop. Self-Sabotaging.

Definition of self- (www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/self)

1a(1): an individual’s typical character or behavior.

(2): an individual’s temporary behavior or character.

Self-sabotage-

It occurs when we destroy ourselves physically, mentally, or emotionally or deliberately hinder our own success and wellbeing by undermining personal goals and values (Brenner, 2019). It is “insidious, profound, and universal” and emanates from negative mindsets (Berg, 2015). (www.positivepsychology.com))

What does this look like in relationships?

Negative self-talk.

When we make statements along the lines of these;

“You hate me”.

“You don’t love me”.

“You think I am ugly”.

“You think I am fat”.

Do any of those example statements ring bells?

Me, being a female, I know I have caught myself posing these bold statements more than a handful of times.

Stop right now, stop saying such heinous self-talk.

It is more probable that the other partner doesn’t hold any of the negative views the person self- sabotaging believes they do. I believe it would be reasonable to assume the non-BPD partner doesn’t find those statements to be truthful, or factual in the slightest, but if you perpetually tell a person, pretty much anything, they will start to believe it to be true as well.

“If you repeat a lie often enough, people will believe it”.

-*insert the person you choose to acknowledge*

*Several people, dating back to the 19th century, have been accredited for saying this.

This is an astronomical realization in a relationship though.

Why?

Based on the logic of the quote above; in a relationship, even if your partner does not think you’re ugly or fat, by continuously painting this image to your partner of “how they feel about you” in their mind, it inevitably is going to influence them into believing it (your detrimental opinions of yourself).

 I am doubtful this is originally what you would be going for.

 While we all need reassurance from time to time, having to constantly rebuke whether, or not you find your partner attractive, or if you love them can be mentally draining for anyone. (Yes, I have been the mentally draining partner more often than I admit out loud).

Don’t consciously persuade your partner to hate you because you hate yourself.

It will work.

I am still banking on this NOT being the goal.

To cultivate a healthy relationship, it is imperative this behavior comes to an end. (SEND HELP)

I have tied my beauty, and self-worth to an extreme level of modesty for most of my life.

I viewed my inability to accept compliments as being humble, and modest. I thought this is what made me beautiful, but more than anything I was putting myself down, and ruining my self-esteem. I have torn myself down at an alarming rate, and it’s fed my mental illness like a perpetual engine that actually works.

I still find infinite beauty in carrying myself with humility, and grace. I still believe inner beauty can be found in self-deprecation, but I know a little better now.

 It has been brought into my knowingness, the negative counter-intuitive words I tell myself, are only hurtful to my psyche and definitely not the same as being humble. Hating myself does not equate to being beautiful.

Somewhere in between all of the madness, a silver lining can be found. I still learn a lot from each time my brain goes into these frames of mind, the darker parts within myself in which I am a hideous demon of a being. I pride myself in being open-minded, and maintaining the most well-rounded perspective possible.

Now when I combine my newfound emotional strength with my natural criticalness, I create a combination that equates to the wisdom of knowing, and based on the probability theory, it’s statistically more likely for there to be some good aspects of me rather than me not having any.

So now I will allow myself to believe I have do have some kind of skills, and that I am a contributing member of society (even though I would still prefer not admit it out loud).

I am definitely still a work in progress, and I feel unbelievably fortunate for the person I have now. He continuously supports me, inspires me to continue pursuing my dreams, and encourages me to see the best in myself. He keeps me grounded, but he also shows me how to dream big.

“Never give up on what you really want to do. The person with big dreams is more powerful than the one with all the facts.”

-Albert Einstein

He encourages me to continue on when my doubts, and fears are louder than my thoughts, and I feel like a failure.

I’m the day-dreamer, but he keeps me grounded while also being the inspiration from which I derive my loftiest dreams from.

I noticed a lot self-deprecating language in this blog post, but I won’t change it, or rephrase it. I will use it as a prime example of how to this day, it’s necessary for me to consciously work towards a healthier way of thinking, and move away from trauma responses. Growth is a continuous process, and some days my inadequacies seem to outweigh the rate in which I am capable of growing, but until I die I see no other option. I either figure it out and get through it, or allow the weight of my self induced misery smother me.

WHY practicing Mindfulness Is NECESSARY

-CPA (Chronic Pessimist Approved)

        If you were to speak to a professional about having Borderline Personality Disorder, I can almost 100% guarantee one of the first things they will say.

There currently is not ANY medication on the market specifically to treat BPD. That the only treatment is intensive therapy.

For several years, I was misdiagnosed as having bipolar disorder, and was put on mood stabilizers, along with a grocery list of other medications.

The mood stabilizer I currently take makes functioning in everyday life substantially easier, but even though it makes my illness manageable, no medicine is going to completely cure my symptoms, or eradicate it.

 So due to this inconvenience, (I find that there is an unfathomable number of situations in life that are mildly inconvenient) I still must find alternative methods to work through my symptoms. This is imperative because,

  • My tendency to split from extreme love to extreme hate hurts the ones I love, and in turn leads to feelings of self-pity and shame.
  • My illness causes me to push people away to avoid being hurt, but I end up pushing away the people who genuinely care for my wellbeing, and it ends up being self-sabotaging behavior.
  • It causes random bursts of fury, sometimes volatile. An explosion of demonic rage.

That is how it feels to me, at least.

Needless to say, reacting this way isn’t exactly healthy behavior, and not appropriate among “polite society”.  

I will be honest though, in the first couple years of my mental wellness journey, those words were the last thing I wanted to hear. No miracle pills. No miracle cure at all?

I was searching for a medication that would make all my problems go away, and then they told me there aren’t any in existence?? I was livid.

I think it is fair to say trying to find coping mechanisms is one the hardest parts of this endeavor.

Therapy was the last thing I wanted to do.

Keeping in mind that the first professional I received treatment from was through a school program in middle school, and my first trip to a psychiatric facility was at the ripe age of 16.

 I still struggle piecing together a timeline of my life in order to have a greater understanding of when, and why my mental stability took a turn for the worst, but it is a safe guess for me to say that I fought tooth, and nail to do anything but counseling from the ages of 13-17.

By the time I had reached 18, I had made two trips to the hospital, and it was around this age that I stopped fighting the process.

I was exhausted from constantly battling my own brain, and not having the mental fortitude necessary to function in “everyday society”.

Beyond the fact that it made me virtually unbearable to be around, it was excruciatingly painful for me to just exist within myself.

To live inside my own skin feels like I am going to burst at the seams.

Call it a breakthrough, or even rock bottom, but I was tired of hurting, and willing to do whatever it took to make life a little tolerable for myself, as well as for those around me.

I FINALLY reached the point that I knew my brain was not working properly, and how I would give anything to silence the noise in my brain.

At least long enough to slow down the chaos.

I think that might be a reason why I put so much value into having peace of mind.

When your brain is constantly waging a war on itself, and it feels never ending, it adds a whole new level of gratitude for the simplicity of peace of mind. It’s definitely the little things.

I wanted to be able to think before impulsively getting defensive.

I wanted to be able to pause. Even if it was just briefly, or for two seconds longer.

  At least long enough to acknowledge, comprehend, and process what is being said to me.

Back in a time when I knew less than I know now, it legitimately sounded like the whole world hated me, and was against me (Still a struggle for me).

Saying this is bittersweet for me.

I know the past me would be rolling her eyes if she read this because, like in numerous areas of life, things can be a lot easier said than done.

 I can write until the cows come home about positive affirmations, and mindfulness, but I would be lying if I tried to pretend these things came to me easily, or naturally.

 It took me several years to even consider practicing the coping skills they tried to teach me in the variation of programs I had gone through.

I would like to acknowledge that I am tremendously fortunate to have the advantage of being able to receive treatment, because that is not necessarily an option for everyone.

Maybe reading this could save someone several thousands of dollars, and years of time though.

I understand there is a strong possibility that many will read this and have some variation of how I would have responded as a teenager/young adult.

In one ear, and out the other.

Coupled with different sounds of contentment, aggravation, and a heavy undertone of bratty teenager syndrome.

Of course, the goal is for my experiences to resonate with at least one person, otherwise there went my initial purpose for all of this.

I want to save someone else a fraction of time, like the time I wasted fighting the process when ultimately, it benefited me more than anyone else to get in a healthier state of being.

So maybe there wasn’t much advice in what I have written, but maybe someone does stand to gain from my somewhat soap box speech.

If I am preaching. I am only emphasizing the importance of finding alternative means outside of pharmaceuticals.

Love yourself.

Do the self-care work.

It is one of the most rewarding things you can do for yourself, and I promise once finding those brief moments of peace, you will never want to go back to constant madness.

~As always~

I just want to see everyone in life succeed, and do well, so if you are reading this, I am rooting for you!!

The Train of Light is pulling into the station!

Be prepared. 

While my blog site is geared more specifically towards mental illness and relationships, I am letting you know ahead of time to get prepared for my website to be flooded with inspirational, and positive messages!! I gain my inspiration through words of encouragement, and words of wisdom. Whenever I am scrolling, those are the first posts that catch my eye, because so often the internet is filled negative, provoking content. 

With 50+ percent of the world using the internet on a constant basis, it’s easier now more than ever to spread hate filled propaganda. 

There are 7.83 billion people in the world. 4.66 billion of them are active Internet users.  

(https://www.statista.com/statistics/617136/digital-population-worldwide/)  

The average Internet user spends 6 hours and 43 minutes online every day. (https://wearesocial.com/blog/2020/01/digital-2020-3-8-billion-people-use-social-media/)  

(www.broadbandsearch.net

With so many people on social media and the internet for extensive periods of time, it has become more transparent how those in power stand to gain from keeping everyone divided, and miserable.  

The most sure-fire way to control the population is through control of information, and they know it. 

“Those who control the information control the people.”  

-George Orwell, Animal Farm

Our media floods every platform with products that are geared to “improve” us. 

Makeup, weight loss pills, expensive clothes, etc. TV tells us to love ourselves as we are, and in the same breath, it perpetuates the ideology of not being good enough. 

The mindset that; we are too fat, too skinny, not enough of this, or *insert other self-limiting belief*. 

This continues, because trillion dollar industries depend upon us feeling this way about ourselves. 

THERE IS GOOD NEWS THOUGH! 

Based on the statistics (www.broadbandsearch.net), more people are acknowledging how different aspects of the internet, like the ones mentioned above, only make life worse. We would rather not even use it to avoid “fear mongering” news.  

To “fear monger” is to purposely put out news that causes an uprise of public fear. 

 When people live in a constant state of fear, they’re more prone to react in a defensive way, and become more emotionally charged.  When someone is consistently in this frame of mind, it directly affects their ability to make sound choices, and makes them an easy target to be manipulated.  

There are so many industries that depend on our misery. Our sicknesses. Mind, body, spiritual, etc. 

What is the sole motivation for all of this? Money. 

Greed.  

Selfishness. 

It is when we stop caring for the fellow man, and only for ourselves, that our hearts become corrupt with darkness. 

Through showing compassion, empathy, and acceptance for others, is what will trigger the growth so badly needed all over the world. 

I don’t believe in a utopian society. 

I know we won’t ever all completely get a long, I get that. However, I DO BELIEVE each of us has the capability to add something beautiful into this world, one small ripple at a time. 

I choose to see the light. 

Even in the darkest of moments, because I have reached a level of understanding that there can be no darkness without light, and it’s the shadows we fear, that create depth in life. 

Within us, we must make the choice between feeding the demons of the world and being the spark of light that ignites global rebirth.  

I can’t make that choice for anyone but myself. 

I can’t make everyone agree with what I believe to be true, and right. What I can do though, is make the decision to walk with love, and grace everywhere I go.  

I can choose to smile at a stranger. To help someone with no reason, because you don’t need a reason to do something nice for others.  

I aim to heal everything I touch, and I hope to be around to watch Our World have the glow up that is slowing coming into fruition.  

I have an insatiable passion for words, and I believe in the power of words.  

The ones we say to ourselves, as well as to others. 

So, I choose to use this knowledge to my advantage. 

I am using the very same tactics that keep us so deeply miserable, only for our greatest benefit as human beings instead.  

Deep down, we all want to feel understood, to feel cared for, and to have a sense of belonging (even those who say they don’t). It is in human nature. 

The world can be cruel. Supremely, exponentially brutal. Ask anyone from a toddler to an elderly person, the world is not fair. It just isn’t.  

I could tell you about things people have done that would make your blood curdle, and that’s how it is all over the world. Humans are capable of the most horrendous acts. 

Things that still astonish me even though I am completely aware of what kind of evil exists. 

I think most of us know this to be the case, BUT also know, We DO have the power to fix it!! 

Spread kindness wherever you can, whenever you can. Share your smile with the world.  

Just imagine how it will feel when those small selfless acts, that we can all make, are going to be the catalyst to mending our differences. This is what’s going to elevate, and catapult humanity further than we ever have to date.  

We all have the power to make a difference. Use this to your advantage, because the power truly comes from within, and it dwells within every one of Us.   

How Are You Feeling?


I am an overthinker.
Overthinking is one of the most vicious demons, because it is my own brain bombarding me with things I can’t change, or things that have not yet come to pass. Just noise that isn’t conducive with anything I am trying to accomplish, and majority of the time the noise revolves around negative thoughts about myself. I don’t like to think of it as being selfish, as if all I think about is myself, because it’s not even an enjoyable feeling. The self-loathing only perpetuates the low self-esteem, and causes me to drown in all the worst things I could possibly conjure up about myself.

I am healthy enough NOW to recognize that I am feeling sorry for myself though, and which self limiting beliefs it stems from.
That much I know. So the question being then, how do I fix this?


“How Are You Feeling?”


This one sentence is an overthinker’s life saver, and one of THE EASIEST ways I have found to pull myself outside of the never-ending thought void.
When you ask someone else how they are doing, it forces you to listen to that person, and focus on something other than whatever is ruminating in your mind at that given point. (If you have a tendency to drift inward like I do it helps me tremendously).

I worked at a grocery store for most of 2019 in Massachusetts (I do not currently live there anymore), and when I was feeling pretty down in the dumps, I would ask customers this question while ringing up their items.
It helped keep me distracted long enough that I could catch a break from self sabotaging torture.

I learned through observation, and practicing this method that when I asked someone this, if there was a long pause before they answered, it was a safe guess that they weren’t having the best day ever. I consider myself to be fairly intuitive (one of few positive skills I will acknowledge having), and I am understanding of others. I have the strong capability to show empathy for others even if I have not personally experienced what they may be going through. This can be considered a skill at this point in life, because this characteristic is becoming even rarer.

I say all this to point out how even just genuinely listening to someone else is a form of empathy. To listen, make eye contact, and be attentive to what they have to say. For me, if I can extend a small piece of kindness to another person to where they feel understood, then I can feel better about myself.

So when all I can think about is everything wrong with me, having this chance to make someone else’s life a little brighter tells me, maybe I’m not the lousiest person on the planet after all. Maybe, just maybe, I have something to add to this world. Maybe.

“When we feel love and kindness toward others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace.”

~ Dalai Lama

I have found that through showing compassion, and understanding for others, I am able to feel more confident in myself, and about my place in life. I can see how I have the ability to bring positivity to the world, and the power to make a difference.

It has taken years to gather the strength to type this, and even more so to post it online for millions of other people to see, so I say this with a few tears in my eyes;

We are capable of incomprehensible feats. We can dream “the impossible”, and make it a reality. We will achieve our dreams, and if I am able to achieve my goal to build the career of my dreams as a writer, then I will never again doubt my abilities to achieve anything I truly want.