Let's talk about my current fabulous relationship!!

That is what really makes these posts creditable, because I came out on the other side of the crappy exes to find that one person I was almost certain didn’t even exist.

Friendly reminder: you will never be too much for someone who can’t get enough of you.

I have always been an empathetic person who went the extra mile for people who wouldn’t even give me half the amount of effort I was willing to put in. This is no longer the case though! My partner consistently proves in not only his words, but his actions that he makes my happiness a top priority. As well as how he truly appreciates, and cherishes me for every thing I am.

I used to ask myself, “why is it that I have so much to offer, and am willing to give, but no one is willing to even meet me half way?” I realized at some point that it wasn’t just because of something wrong with me.

There are past relationships where I saw so much potential in a person to become something amazing, even more than they believed in themselves, and all I ever wanted was to help them become the best versions of who they are. Not change who they are, but I learned from my first serious relationship with a guy that you can’t make someone do or be something that they don’t want to.
It wasn’t that he didn’t want to grow, he just wasn’t willing to do what it took to grow with me. So that is ultimately why it didn’t work out. (Which ended up working out even more so in my favor, because he taught me a lot about how to be a better woman for another man, and one who is deserving of all my love and them some).
It’s like when you have an ex who turns around, and does for another woman the things you asked for, but he wasn’t willing to do for you? Those examples are one in the same.

With my current partner he knew right away that he was in love with me, and was willing to do what it took to be with me, and that is the type of energy that you should go for. With most men, experts have shown that if a man loves you, he knows from the beginning.

A piece of wisdom I came across said, “Don’t marry the man you love, marry the man who loves you. A woman can grow to love a man, but a man either
loves you or he doesn’t”.

Don’t waste time on guys who look at you as an option. I promise there is a line of people who are willing to give you the love you have been searching for, and very much so deserve. Those guys are holding up the line for other people if they aren’t trying to match this energy.

Now with all that negative stuff being said, I can confirm that they aren’t all like that, and someone will rise to the occasion. That there is someone who can and will appreciate, cherish, and worship every inch of you.
(PSA females: guys will worship the ground you walk on- people just don’t want you to know your true value and worth. Don’t settle. There is no reason for it.)

I have always either been too much, or not enough.
I have had a low self esteem, and self worth for years, and one of my favorite aspects about my current partner is how he is teaching me to love myself as much as he loves me. He helps me tackle my insecurities, and over time he has helped me get over some of those insecurities.
When someone truly loves you, they make you love yourself as well.
I feel like we have a successful relationship, because of our mutual respect for each other. When two people love each other, and are a team, any problem can be tackled. Only much easier than if one person were to be doing it alone.

A part of the traumatic experiences I had in my childhood had to do with my parent’s alcoholism, and violence. So needless to say, I grew up around a lot of screaming and fighting. My parent’s marriage wasn’t exactly a good basis for relationships to begin with.

Well thankfully I did not end up dating like my mother, because another wonderful quality that my partner has (yes, I could totally sit here and think of dozens of reasons why he is perfection in my eyes) is he does not yell at me. He doesn’t get loud with me at. All. For me to grow up the way I did around my parents in constant chaos, and then finding out there are men who don’t get loud and cuss you out?

This relationship has been something completely different than what I have ever experienced. He is all around the most thoughtful person I have ever met, and the most respectful man I have ever met.
He is about to turn 24 this month, and I am 26. However, he is more mature some males twice his age.
In PAST relationships I was made to feel as if I was too much, or required too much effort, and I believed them. Until now. Now things that were “too much” for other people don’t apply.

If they are one they will step up, and there won’t be a need to question their intentions. That is exactly what my partner did with me.

So to sum a post that or may not be all over the place, and hard to follow;
It was through many failed relationships that I found my way to my forever soulmate. I regret none of those relationships, because I learned so much from all of them, but he is the reason I have the courage to do this, and the reason I know all of this to be true.



“Discipline is choosing between what you want now, and what you want the most”.

-Abraham Lincoln

The problem with starting a routine or new habit isn’t doing the act itself. It is doing those things consistently. Having the discipline to stick to the schedule, and doing it even when you don’t feel like it.
A current (and ongoing) issue of mine.

Recently, I have been struggling with managing my manic episodes more than normal, as well as finding ways to consistently work on my freelance writing.
I’m able to notice the signs of when I am about to have a manic episode* fairly well now, but I’m still working on learning how to prevent them from happening.
(I have a tendency to lash out at my partner and loved ones when I am like this, so it directly affects my relationship when I don’t continue to work on it)

I have cruel thoughts, and my brain seems to detest me at times for some unknown reason, because when I say those horrible things I think out loud it just ends up being self-sabotaging behavior. When that occurs I have taught myself to step to the side and be alone so I don’t end up doing and saying things out of impulse. It ultimately isn’t anything I actually mean, and I know I will regret it.

So I have had to resort to Google for help..
On HOW to prevent manic episodes.
One key tip I saw several times though, was developing a healthy routine..

Really, making the schedule is the EASY part. I’m sure most of us can sit down and think of a list of things that should get done everyday.
The HARD part is implementing that routine in to every day life. A lot of things seem easy, in THEORY, but actually following through every day and not straying from that plan no matter what?
Now that’s a spot between a rock and a hard place, and the one I am temporarily at as of right now.
So I’m learning as I go along, and I want to try to share what seems to work for me while I learn this process, because essentially all of life is a never ending process. I won’t wait to share what I know, because I won’t ever get to a point where I know it all. So no better time than the present to spread my wealth of knowledge with the world.
I BELIEVE these things can be accurate and helpful for anyone to use, and can add to the outcome of how their day goes in a positive way.

Start everyday with the thoughts of how wonderful the day will be instead of thinking the worst. BE SO HAPPY THAT YOU FEEL OBNOXIOUS.
I used to refer to myself as a “realistic pessimist”, but honestly I was just being a really negative person. So I understand that if you have more of that kind of mindset that this may feel ridiculous.
You know the people who are SO happy all the time that it’s annoying? Be like them.

Start your morning at the same time everyday with a tiny ritual. I am somewhat of an insomniac so practicing this one is fun.. I’ll be honest, mine probably isn’t a good one to mention, but I start my morning with a copious amount of caffeine.
I sit outside, listen to music, and THOROUGHLY cherish a much needed moment to myself while chugging some of the world’s strongest coffee down. As a mother, this small window of time to gain some peace of mind and sanity is crucial and a valuable commodity (it’s summer break right now too).

Take this time to charge up for the day.
My Borderline can feel the most intense in the morning so that’s why I recommend to use the morning time to recharge your batteries (and for me, my patience) for the day. I am known to react negatively and be easily provoked in the morning. I’m also known to say some fairly brutal things when I am in that state of mind, and usually to the people I love most. So I say this with love;

PULL yourself out of your brain.
(I KNOW my dream world is usually nice all times of the year as well).
Even if it is just long enough to feel the wind against your skin. To focus on your regular breathing, and feel the air you breathe go all the way down your throat and into your lungs. With as much detail as you can.
I am not talking about any kind of breathing exercise either. Only paying attention to how you naturally breathe. This has been A LOT simpler for me to practice, and it slows my brain down long enough to catch it’s breath, basically.
When I do this in the morning it sets the day off right for less over reacting at unnecessary situations, because I’m excellent at doing that in spectacular fashion, and in flying colors.

⦁ Be MINDFUL. Yes, I said it.
We all have a dream world to some extent. The place we go in our minds when we space out, and while this place can be comfortable, it is also the place where our negative thoughts torture us the most.

Memories of the past. Fears of the future. Neither of those things are actually real or tangible, but those thoughts can be the root cause of a lot of inner demons and struggles people find themselves battling.
(Yes I am fairly confident this is a thing for most people, and yes there are people who have no inner monologue abilities, but I’m not certain of those kinds of people)

*I marked the words manic episodes, because I feel that I should mention my episodes of mania are ones of aggression, and a mixture of explosive, impulsive behavior. Not to be confused with episodes of hypomania which involves more the issue of having grandiose views of yourself to the point that it is harmful. It can cause irrational decision making, and can lead to detrimental circumstances for the person having the episodes of hypomania. So not completely the same.

Routine. Routine. Routine.
Discipline while not losing ambition to continue.
Stick to it.
Don’t quit.
The rewards are more than worth the hard work.
That’s what they say at least..
So we will get there, I promise.

I have to remind myself constantly that I am a work in progress, and in order to achieve what I truly want in life I HAVE to stay focused. I have to hold myself accountable for shortcomings, and stand firmly when facing challenges.

The human mind LOVES instant gratification, but the type of gratification I am aiming for takes patience. It doesn’t happen quickly, and it probably won’t be on my time like I would prefer. This is when being persistent and CONSISTENT is detrimental to the mission (My own little inside thing. I’ll probably mention things about “the mission” more in the future).

Consistency. Consistency. Consistency.

PSA -I just want to see everyone win in life, so if you’re reading this I am totally routing for you!


My survival guide for living with Borderline personality disorder-

  1. Identifying and confirming that you have BPD.
    The VERY first step, because how can you work on something that you don’t know is there? Knowing is literally almost half the battle. Read as much as you can on the subject. This is important even more so for the family and loved ones trying to support the person with BPD. In a lot of cases, it is the unknown we fear the most, and when we shed light on to the unknown it takes some of that fear away.
    When people act and make decisions based on fear is when bad choices are made. Also when someone with BPD might feel most out of control and impulsive.
    I am more inclined to have a manic episode when I feel backed in to a corner. When I feel like I don’t have any choice or way out of whatever seems to be plaguing me at that moment. The more we can understand and know about the illness, the less scary it becomes. As a person with BPD, I know the symptoms can be very extreme and it can make the situation 1000x worse if you have no idea what is going on.
    When you know, okay this is my BPD not me, then you can begin learning what triggers those horrible feelings within (because they can FEEL horrible to the point of pain).
    I would also like to throw in a disclaimer that I am STILL learning how to identify my OWN triggers, and not everyone’s illness presents itself the same way either. Mine just so happens to manifest itself as extreme manic episodes of anger and rage. Even though I have made a lot of progress over time, and it happens less frequently, it still happens.
    That’s why education and identification of the illness and triggers is going to be step one on this survival guide.
    I plan on making Step 2 in a separate post, because the point of this is to resonate and stick with people who need to see it the most, and still I want to make the message clear, and concise. I want to reiterate the fact that I DO still struggle with my own Borderline personality disorder (BPD), and everyday I work towards building a healthy, stable life of value. Something I like to say is, We’re gonna get there I promise. I haven’t been able to do this alone, and trying to go it alone doesn’t have a very high success rate, BUT the good news is you really don’t have to do it alone.
    Allow strangers, who are completely unbiased and have no reason to lie in order to stroke your ego, to help and create an atmosphere of positivity, and support.
    They are the best, because they have no reason to go out of their way to say those nice things other than out of their own desire to do so.
    I am an admin for a Facebook page that revolves around humanity being kinder to one another as a whole, and working together as a team. Not an “every man for himself” kind of mindset. So far I have not needed to filter out negative content on that page, or dictate what can and can’t be posted, because it seems that the people who would even be interested in the group would not be those who spread more hatred in to the world.
    That is my plan for this blogging site. To create a safe space. A place where the users are genuinely caring and non judgmental, and I believe I can create that for those in need of that kind of support network. As much as the internet has caused a rift in society, I say we can and should really use this tool to work in our favor. Not against us.
    Teamwork makes the dream work.
    Things are better when we work together.

Friendly reminder-

       "There is no great genius without a
        mixture of madness" 
             -Aristotle circa 384BCE

And Aristotle could not have predicted that people would still be quoting him over two thousand years after his death. Sometimes we will never know the true impact we make, but each of us creates our own wrinkle in time. You matter.

I have Borderline.

I will start with this small disclaimer: I do not currently have any college degrees. I do not have a fancy portfolio. What I do have is a wealth of knowledge of personal experience, and a whole lot of empathy for those who know the struggle is real.

I have been seeing therapists, psychiatrists, and taking medications since I was 13. Now at the age of 26, I have been to psychiatric facilities 7 times, and collectively have 100s of hours of different therapies, coping skills, and tools that I believe work for me (I have had a more than mild case with my BPD too)

I have the overwhelming sense that I need to tell others of the knowledge/wisdom I have gained over the years, because from my own situations I know just how BRUTALLY hard it is to live with BPD. A lot of this wisdom I learned the very hard way. It took a lot of soul searching, and humbling myself to look inward and accept my own mistakes(toxic behaviors),but after years of hard work I finally have found myself in a healthy relationship with the most caring, sweetest man I have ever met! Now that I know for a FACT it is possible, I want to scream it from the mountain tops.

I am strongly empathetic, and I believe being caring to one another is how we will make the world a better place. I want to offer some kind of platform for uplifting, positive content. While also being a hub of information from and for anyone who is need of guidance in relationships of any kind. LIFE IS HARD! I only want to add goodness to the world and be one less person spreading hatred. Why do I think this is vital information? It is;

  1. For the sake of personal peace of mind! My BPD can be like a raging storm! The more we can learn from others on here about triggers, and other emotional impulses, the easier it becomes to identify those things and— control those emotional impulse reactions.
  2. For the sake of your relationship! People with BPD- if we are being honest with ourselves, our tendency to have explosive outbursts (sometimes completely unjustifiable) could be enough to take a toll on anyone.

I hate sounding preachy, but I think there is no better person to speak on a subject than someone who knows things first hand. Things that can only be learned by experiencing them.

Through so many wrong turns, dead ends, bumps in the road, and detours, I am finally leading down a road of building a fulfilling life of value and love. Due to the plethora of mistakes I have made in the past, whenever I can pass along wisdom that could keep someone else from making the same mistake and it resonates with them, it adds so much purpose to my soul, and is such a gratifying feeling.

Why I Am So Glad You Are Here

  • Most lessons in life, I have learned the very hard way. It was only until recent when talking to a teenager about her relationship at that time, or talking with a cousin who also has BPD, that I realized there may actually be value in the things I know. I could possibly help others from my screw ups! Which is really the best I could hope for.
  • The website is currently geared towards mental illness, BPD and otherwise in relationships, but I hope to broaden the horizons of topics to whatever anyone wants to discuss!
  • I hope to reach everyone! I would like to convey positive messages of encouragement and unity in the hopes that it can reach as many like minded people as possible.
  • I admin for a group on Facebook called Our Gaia Experience where the basis of the page is spreading love, and light for every being. This is the kind of atmosphere I want to create for this page, which is inclusive to anyone searching for that kind of peace and ease.

When we change the “i” in illness to “we” it becomes wellness

As a society, we are better when we work together, and that is what I advocate for on this page.